guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
