She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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