On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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