nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
