I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
