You really coming over, don't trick.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
