I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
