I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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