hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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