He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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