Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
