Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
