so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
