so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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