You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
