it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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