do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
