take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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