I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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