I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
