Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
