I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
