You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
