I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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