I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
