i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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