I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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