3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
