He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
