Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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