Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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