the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
