So drunk its hurt
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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