tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
