What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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