Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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