I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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