There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
