Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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