now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
