No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
