i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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