Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
