Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
