I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
