Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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