I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
