First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
