I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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