He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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