he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
