Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
worst night to have a conscience
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
