K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
