okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
