I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
