Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
