Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
