there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
