how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
