NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think I just sharted jello shots
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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