There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
